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Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce Mediation Mediation is not the most commonly known solution to disputes during
divorce. Most couples lack the knowledge to make an informed decision
about Mediation. To help you better understand the Mediation process,
Dr. Glass has provided her top 25 frequently asked questions below.
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1.
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What Is Divorce Mediation?
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Mediation is a cooperative settlement process designed to
avoid the stress, time and cost of a legal battle. In Mediation,
an impartial professional helps people negotiate directly
with each other, ease their conflicts, and work out their
own mutually acceptable agreements in a confidential setting.
The mediator assists the spouses in negotiating but doesn't
make any decisions for them. The mediator helps participants
focus on how to find a solution that will best satisfy each
of their individual needs, interests, values and goals.
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2.
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Why Choose Mediation?
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Choosing Mediation is choosing to take charge of your life
at a point where lots of things seem to be spinning out of
control. In the face of great uncertainty, it is choosing
to set a direction and deciding to close the door of the marriage
gently rather than slam it shut! Mediation avoids much of
the damaging consequences of adversarial divorces. Most complex
divorces go on for years. Prolonged divorces deplete assets,
entail expensive professional services, appraisals and legal
fees, interrupt business, and interfere with parties' opportunities
for personal growth and their desire to move on with their
lives.
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3.
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How Does Mediation Benefit Children?
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Because you make the decisions together, you avoid a lengthy
legal battle that can end in feeling like enemies. Your children
benefit from reduced conflict promoted through Mediation.
Your cooperation with each other is the most important factor
in your children's adjustment to the divorce. A mediated parenting
plan is tailored to your family's needs and can help you to
be more effective parents after the divorce. Instead of lasting
a year or more, you can conclude your divorce much faster,
typically within 3 months.
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4.
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Who Is Mediation For?
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Mediation is for:
• Couples who have made a decision to divorce.
• Couples who may not have decided about a divorce, but
who want a separation.
• Couples who are already divorced and are seeking changes
to their existing agreements regarding child support, child
visitation, or spousal support.
• Mediation is not only for couples with a high level
of agreement; Mediation is a process designed to help any
couple regardless of existing differences or conflicts.
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5.
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Does Mediation Work?
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Agreements reached through Mediation have a better chance
of lasting because you and your spouse arrive at the agreements
together. After the divorce is finalized, parties who have
used Mediation tend to return to Mediation to resolve future
problems, instead of going to court. The costs are typically
less with litigation. Mediation can help you avoid a destructive
legal battle that will leave you in debt. If an agreement
is not reached in Mediation, the parties are free to pursue
existing court remedies.
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6.
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How Much Does Mediation Cost?
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The amount of time or number of sessions needed to gather
information and negotiate an agreement will vary from couple
to couple, so the cost of the Mediation will also vary. Mediation,
however, will always be much less costly than adversarial
litigation. Mediation fees are
usually shared by both parties in a way that you agree is
fair. The costs of a mediated divorce are typically much less
than a conventional divorce.
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7.
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How Long Does Mediation Take?
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Mediation almost always takes less time than litigation.
Most divorcing couples meet for several sessions over a period
of weeks. The total number of sessions required to come to
an agreement varies depending upon the complexity of the issues
involved and the readiness of the couple. The average Mediation
involves six to eight sessions. Mediation is time-limited
and, unlike the court process, it does not drag on indefinitely.
For obvious reasons, issues that may lengthen the time required
to reach an agreement include: 1) when there are children;
2) when you own your own business; 3) when there is a high
level of conflict between the parties.
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8.
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What Does A Mediator Do And How Does A Mediator Stay Neutral
And Avoid Taking Sides?
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Because the mediator won't be making decisions for the divorcing
couple, she doesn't need to decide who's right or wrong. Not
only that, it is the mediator's job to help the parties come
up with an agreement that is acceptable to both, so the mediator
makes a point of looking at the issues from both sides. Mediators
who have been professionally trained have learned techniques
for doing this.
The mediator creates a safe and informal environment for
your negotiations, and helps you and your spouse communicate
and express your feelings and concerns. The mediator helps
you identify your concerns and address your issues in an orderly
fashion.
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9.
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How Is A Mediated Divorce Different From The Usual Litigated
Divorce?
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With a mediated divorce, you and your spouse are in charge.
With the help of the mediator, you do the negotiating, and
you control the choices that affect your life and your family.
You are able to conclude your divorce and move on with your
life in much less time, at lower cost, and with less conflict
and stress.
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10.
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Do We Need An Attorney?
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Choosing Mediation does not mean that you give up your right
to the services of an attorney. Although Mediation is not
a substitute for independent legal advice, approximately 80%
of Mediating couples find it unnecessary to retain an independent
attorney. Our team approach to Mediation means that a Mediating
attorney is available to ask legal questions, process the
court paperwork, and review the final Marital Settlement Agreement
prepared for you by the mediator.
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11.
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What If I Already Have An Attorney?
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That's not a problem. People frequently want to consult an
attorney when considering a separation or divorce. If you
have retained an attorney, you may continue to use their services
in a different way, as advisor rather than adversary. They
may still give you advise along the way, or review the final
Marital Settlement Agreement if you so choose. In Mediation,
it's important that both parties be aware if one spouse has
retained an attorney so that they may consider their choice
to do so as well.
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12.
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Are There Cases That Shouldn't Be Mediated?
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Mediation works in many more situations than you might imagine.
However, in situations where parties are unable to voice their
needs or do not feel free to speak their mind without fear
of violent or harmful consequences, Mediation may not be appropriate.
Mediation is appropriate for both low conflict and high conflict
cases. For some couples, however, negotiating directly with
each other, even with the help of a mediator, is not possible
-- either because of problems in the relationship such as
domestic violence or substance abuse, or because a spouse
is unwilling to mediate.
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13.
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What Are The Steps In Divorce Mediation?
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First, both persons must agree to mediate. Next, make an
appointment with an experienced divorce mediator. The mediator
guides the process so that everyone has a chance to be heard
and leads the discussions such that the areas of property
distribution, parenting arrangements and support are covered.
The mediator is trained to manage angry and competitive feelings
so that individuals can more effectively plan for their future.
Various solutions are explored so that the best possible agreement
can be reached. Mediators may offer suggestions and help couples
develop options, but the final agreement is up to the couple.
The mediator's office can handle the filing of the petition
for divorce and can draft the couple's agreement into a Marital
Settlement Agreement for submission to the court. The couple
need not appear in court.
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14.
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Do We Need To Work Things Out Before We Make An Appointment
For Mediation?
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No! Certainly if there already exists agreement in some areas,
bring those in to the mediator for inclusion in the settlement.
However, trying to work everything outside of Mediation, for
the purposes of saving money, may in fact circumvent the benefits
of Mediation itself. You may run the risk that unresolved
marital issues, hurtful behavior, etc., may interfere with
your ability to look at and respect each others needs, interests,
and goals.
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15.
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Is Mediation Binding?
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Mediation is the best of both worlds - its both binding and
non-binding! It is non-binding in the sense that you will
not be bound to any outcome until you sign the final Marital
Settlement Agreement (or Stipulated Judgment). Mediation is
a fluid process, meaning that until you have considered all
the information and options, issues are still negotiable.
If you begin the Mediation process and decide it is not for
you, you can always return to the courts. Once you have signed
the Marital Settlement Agreement, your mediated agreement
is submitted to the courts and it becomes a binding contract.
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16.
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Can Mediation Help Even Between Couples That Are Bent
On Being Vindictive And Uncooperative?
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Since over 90 % of cases settle, the issue isn't whether it will settle but when, how, and at what cost. It would be unusual if you weren't angry! Divorce is, unavoidably, a highly disruptive experience. Mediation is not just for people who are already cooperating. Mediation is often most helpful when you and your partner are having trouble talking on your own. The question is not how you feel now, but where you want to go. Do you want to end up in a court room battle, or do you want to get to make your own decisions about your interests and your future. Mediation facilitates cooperation rather than competition.
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17.
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What Preparation Is Needed For The First Meeting?
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No special preparation is needed for the first session. During
the course of Mediation the mediator may ask you to complete
"homework" assignments, such as collecting financial information.
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18.
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How Do I Get Started?
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Call (626) 792-4153 to make an appointment.
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19.
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What Is The Difference Between Court-ordered Mediation
And Private Mediation?
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As its name implies, court-ordered Mediation is conducted
under the direction of the court. It usually involves only
child custody and visitation issues. Rarely are financial
issues addressed in court-ordered Mediation. There is often
no fee charged for court-ordered Mediation, whereas private
mediators charge an hourly fee. The mediator in a court-sponsored
program often makes a report to the court. Private Mediation
is confidential.
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20.
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What Is The Difference Between Mediation And Arbitration?
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Both Mediation and arbitration involve a neutral third party.
In Mediation, the neutral party -- the mediator -- helps the
spouses to negotiate an agreement and has no power to make
decisions. In arbitration, the neutral third party -- the
arbitrator -- listens to the facts and then renders a (usually
binding) decision for the couple.
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21.
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Do We Both Have To Participate?
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Yes. Mediation is a joint, cooperative problem solving process,
it is necessary for both to participate.
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22.
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What If We Cannot Work It Out In Mediation?
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The Mediation process may not resolve all issues but even
partial agreements can help participants narrow the issues
and limit the time and expense involved in going to court.
You are free to return to the court process at any time.
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23.
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Can Mediation Help Us Get Back Together?
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Mediation is not marriage counseling. However, Mediation
typically helps reduce conflict and assists towards a more
amicable and friendly future. On occasion couples decide to
return to marital counseling to attempt reconciliation.
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24.
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What If We've Never Been Married?
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Parents, couples or partners can use Mediation to discuss
differences and resolve conflicts. It is an option for married
couples planning to separate, married couples deciding to
divorce or couples or partners who have never married.
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25.
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Do I Have To File For Divorce Before Entering Mediation?
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No. If the decision is to divorce, our office can handle
the filing of the petition to the court for you. If you have
already filed the petition, or had an attorney file one for
you, you may still enter into Mediation to arrive at the decisions
related to division of property, parenting plan, and support.
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Other Questions? If you have other questions or need more information regarding
Mediation or professional help, please contact Lydia Glass at lydia@lydiaglass.com.
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| Besides specializing in Divorce Mediation,
Dr. Lydia Glass also runs her own private practice in
Pasadena, California as a Clinical Psychologist and as
a Marriage, Family, and Child Counselor. Dr. Glass has
also been providing psychotherapy for over 19 years...
(more) |
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